I tested positive for Corona and I immediately went into Isolation and quarantine. Yes, that was quite a blow to me. I thought I was doing fine and could never sick. Silly of me, of course anyone is susceptible to caught this deadly virus.But then, after the panic attack, I busied myself painting and submerging myself into art. I decided to write this Post to document the days I am alone, and solely relying on getting art theraphy.
Painting in silence, alone and undisturbed is quite okay, works with me so well.But it is not always quiet and easy. It is chaotic, challenging and exhausting. During this time, I felt the painting adrenaline rush inside me. I can´t go out, so my paints, canvas, and texture pastes are my loyal confidants.Through silent days, my art speak more and my mouth remained shut. Though my throat hurts and I was already so tired from coughing, my spirit remained strong.
My inspiration flooded and I went on.
The longer I stared at the unfinished paintings, I see various facets that I have never seen before. For me, a textured art is like a visual story. Every layer tells me of different experience, of another emotion that I´ve felt while painting. I took my time, there was no deadline. I simply enjoyed the complete process of agony, grief, loneliness, pain, surrender, and acceptance. These vital emotions have helped me define my weakness and the things that I need to learn from my craft and how to improve it.
When I got sick, for a moment I lost in touch. Though everything is actually self-explanatory and since all Corona-related informations are well technically disseminated—but still, I found myself searching for answers.My confusion and delusional state have kept me from immediately surrendering to this virus.At the beginning I can´t believed the PCR test result–the dark crimson red warning.I thought I was okay, doing fine and healthy. I urgently seek for answers—and strength. I finally found it , although I am really overwhelmed .I decided I need to move further and get myself together again.
I am writing this post, sharing my personal journey with Corona through my Art. Personally, tapping on to my creative side have helped me so much to stay positive through this hurtful times. I was hoping to send message to others who undergoes the same situation and can find comfort, knowing you can, too, overcome.
Because reality really hurts. In real life, it is not always sunny and happy. There is no such thing as always great news. This Blog should not be all too perfect , with happy photos and events or so, or at least loved.
Sometimes, it is also okay not to be okay….to get sick, enduring the process of healing and overcoming struggles.
These paintings are all full of textured layers and blended colors says it all. I used different mediums, texture pastes, and experimented with so many techniques. It took days for me to complete and achieve the accent that I am aiming. Beneath all the layers tells a unique story. Mine, yours, and from anyone who can understand the wisdom that colors and art brings on us.In an unhurried phase, it can transform an ordinary thought into some useful wisdom.
A sight of Hope, healing and perseverance, reminding me of one of my favourite quotes from Rumi;
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love…”-Rumi
As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.”
― Maya Angelou
I was actually thinking that sharing these paintings in my Blog could help others find hope in the recovery process. For me, these paintings would not only remind me of Corona virus. It also reminds me of gratitude, helpful friends, encouraging words, symphthy , and learning to take care of my self more. That I actually gave my body a great favor—by being vaccinated, getting a Booster and wearing masks. I did my part, so it doesn´t make sense at all to blame myself for getting sick.
In short, turning this point into an opportunity to create something beautiful.
These paintings would always remind me of a certain period in my life…and still ongoing. The phase of worry, anxiety and isolation. Painting, rest, and paiting again in between cooking and stuff is the new routine that helped me create a vision. Everyday, there´s a progress appearing on the canvas and I loved it.
For me, doing Art can be such a therapeutic process for the tired soul…it transcends healing and calmness.
Do you see this piece as an expression of “Stress painting ” or not? or probably a tangible sculpture of anguish and boredom? What emotions can you depict from these art?
The hours cooped up in the four wall corners of our apartment, isolating have brought me another way to release my anxiety. If I cannot run outdoors then at least I burn my energy mixing paints, creating layers and doing art. After all, at the end of each painting session--I feel good, and I don´t get tired of doing it. Corona actually helped me find time to finish unfinished paintings–to gather more ideas and collect my thoughts . Instead of drowning in melancholy, I busied myself creating something, and actually this energy have driven me to create more.
I am not yet 100 % well and still on the process of recovery. I still need to wait more days for my Quarantine to end. I hope i don´t develop further more symptoms and eventually be freed from this virus.For once, I ´ve totally forgotten how vicious Corona is. I was reminded that this tiny virus from Wuhan certainly stopped the world from moving, causing border closures, and lockdowns. It had crossed oceans, continents and killed almost 5.62 M globally.
People would probably won´t appreciate my kind of art, or it won´t sell at all. But then I thought, this should not stopped me from painting.Being sick doens´t stopped me from taking care of my core responsibilities. I still need to cook, clean and care for my family and at the same time, pausing to take care of myself so I can continue supporting them. I could be excused from working but then the everyday challenges during quarantine is a very stressful moment for me, its the truth. Through the days, I realized that Corona never stopped me from being a mother and a caregiver. I must moved forward, I must go on. So I am still painting and loving it…
I wished you all find happiness and gratitude in whatever you are doing rigt now. Stay healthy everyone.
Until then, Tschüss.