Motherhood : All love begins and ends there….

I long for my mother's bread,
My Mother's coffee
Her touch
Childhood memories grow up in me
Day after day
I must be worth in my life...
A One and Only Mother
Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky,
Hundreds of shells on the shore together,
Hundreds of birds that go singing by,
Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather.
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the world-wide over... 

This is excerpt from Mahmoud Darwish in his  1964 panegyric to his mother, A Palestinian poet and a short poem that I can accentuate how I view Motherhood ever since I become a mother.

It’s Mother’s day this month and it’s just timely that we look back with thanksgiving & gratitude from whence we came.There is so much poetry about Motherhood but it cannot really immortalize the actual feeling you have when you become one yourself. I wouldn’t even knew the deep essence of Mothers Day before, but now that I become a mother, I understand and have great respect for all Mothers around the world.

When I was about to give birth to my daughter  Natalie, I was in the hospital for almost 3 days being induced for labor. Now for someone who doesn’t know what Induction of Labor   means, it is literally the process of forcing you to go on labor through various medical interventions. I tell you, It’s  nerve-wrecking, exhausting, pain-filled time  of my life and yet it was also the most wonderful time knowing I would finally meet my child. I could recall all the time I just lie down in pain between contractions and  I thought a lot about my Mother. I was alone there and all I could think of is wishing She was just beside me.She gave birth for 6 humans, all natural at home and without any medical interventions.How on earth did she do that?

Are mothers superheroes in disguise?

She is one amazing, strong, resilient person that I ever known in my life. For the past year, I have found out so many surprises in Motherhood that I asked myself; Why did no one ever told me about this? let alone my own Mother?

Here’s some surprises to name a few :

Before I was a Mother –
Definition of “Real Sleep “. I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I lounge in the bed during weekends until my back aches from sleeping and oftentimes I would dozed off & had naps in the afternoon after watching some movies. Since I gave birth to Natalie, If there’s anything that I really missed, it is : Sleep.

I thought I knew what “Tired “meant before I had a baby. I once heard my mother said her back hurts..now I see myself uttering these words to my husband.Now I knew why.

Before I was a Mother –

I would see babies as cute, cuddly, but bothersome. Why are they  crying so loud? and makes so many messes. I would never know ( or want to know) as much about another human being’s poop and pee schedule as I did in those early years.It becomes an obsession in checking too much, too little, and loads of graphic considerations that I wouldn’t dream of discussing in public now.It is a clichè ,but true that many of the baby “essentials” that magazines & celebrities promotes for new Mums are just bunch of waste of money! The walker? Only after 2 weeks of use, she was already climbing out and she is dangling when I saw her. A total waste.

Before I was a Mother –
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart-break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mother. How many times I just lie beside my daughter and just kissed her. Many times. When she sleeps, I found myself randomly poking her just to check if she was breathing–Insane but true. My mother never told me about this,but I am sure, She did the same.

Before I was a Mother –
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.The love & hate relationship that Me & my daughter have when she is soooo clingy. She literally live in between my legs.She likes it there, dangling, swinging around wherever I go. The space between my skinny legs fits perfectly with her small cuddly frame.

Before I was a Mother –
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,the physical pain & numb arms. The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mother. Why on earth my mother never told me about her struggles raising 6 children, without maid, without any hired help, even without an iPad to entertain the crazy toddlers?

Before I was a Mother –
I had never been puked on – Pooped on – Spit on – Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.How did I managed to not bother about make up & fancy clothes when you have a baby pulling out your sleeves? I have gone out with a pants with cookie stains and I don’t see any problem with that. I don’t even wanna wear white right now because I know there will be shoeprints there within seconds, and bling- bling? I can’t afford for a necklace & dangling earrings to be pulled out painless!  I could spent countless hours in a mall but I was too busy buying baby stuff and little clothes.This is the new retail therapy for me. My mother would absolutely agree.
Before I was a Mother –
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests…or give the vaccination shots. I was there in every appointment & Doctor’s visits. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.Motherhood have taught me to become prepared to go to very strange and random lengths just to appease my crying child. Did I mentioned that I broke my iPhone screen 3 times already just to get into that Bob the Train nursery rhymes the minute she start to squirm?

Before I was a Mother I had no idea that Motherhood would be the hardest , the most tiring,the most rewarding, the most precious gift in my life.Now I knew why my Mother never told me these surprises..She wanted me to discover & experience these all by myself. All through out this journey, I got to know more of her, I got to know her “world “when the time that I never fully understand her. I got to know her completely, more than I could ever write about her.And guess what, even if I had known early all of the above,I wouldn’t swap a second of it for anything in the world!

The first years really go fast. Before I knew it, she climbs up into the table by herself within seconds, throws all her toys with one hand in seconds.Before I knew it, it will be her first day in school.These fleeting moments can never be replaced.Remember the first tooth, the first step, the first time you can have her hair into ponytail? The time she said “Mama”…They are truly precious.

For someone we called “Mothers” …They are precious.

 

How does this post made you feel? Do you feel special that you are a mother?

When was the last time you called your mother just to say Hello?

I want to wish a Happy Special Mothers Day to all my lovely, strong mothers & women that I knew. Great respect to all of you. X

 

Sacrifice